


Something That Cannot Die

by Lo Turner-Kane (doujinbag)



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angst, It's just angst tbqh, M/M, Mutually Unrequited, Songfic but not really??, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:16:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4516317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/Lo%20Turner-Kane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex is in love.</p><p>It's not with Miles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something That Cannot Die

**Author's Note:**

> Okay first of all "her" doesn't have to be anyone specific, it can be any of Alex's girlfriends. While writing it, I was imagining Taylor, but I don't want to sound like a hater ;A;
> 
> Secondly, I based this off of the song "Mt. Washington" by Local Natives. It's a gorgeous song, I HIGHLY recommend you check it out (the whole band's discography is absolutely beautiful).
> 
> Thirdly... this is kinda shit, just putting that out there lmao. I got an idea accompanied with sad feelings so I word vomited and this happened. Cool.
> 
> So yeah. That's that. ^^

_Face stained in the ceiling_  
_Why does it keep saying,_  
_I don't have to see you right now_  
_I don't have to see you right now_

It was funny, so he laughed. He always laughed. Same joke, different day, same reaction, different feeling. The joke was funny. Alex had been telling it to him the same way everyday for the past two weeks. It was fucking hilarious. It was.

"Miles, I'm in a relationship. And I love her."

It was madly hilarious. The way Alex even convinced _himself_ that this was true, that Miles could accept it, and the punchline was literally a punch to the fucking gut.

In a relationship.  
_And I love her._

After a while, the joking stopped. The comedian stopped coming around and Miles could only watch as the joke circulated around online, worded in new ways, but still earning the same kind of laugh from him.

Alex Turner in a relationship.  
Alex.  
Alex.  
_Alex._

_Digging like you can bury_  
_Something that cannot die_  
_Or we could wash the dirt off our hands now_  
_Keep it from living underground_

Sometimes at night, if Miles could keep his eyes open long enough, he would whisper it to himself and laugh some more, but this was different. It wasn't the same as when Alex told him. Because this time, Miles was admitting it to himself.

Alex wasn't his anymore.  
Alex was _never_ his to start with.

When Miles stopped laughing at it, Alex came around again. He had a blonde glued to his hip and a smirk-ridden expression on his face, but Miles couldn't be mad. He could never be mad. He just loved him too much.

The patterns in Miles's ceiling soon became his only source of relaxation. On the nights he couldn't sleep, he fought the urge to whisper Alex's name in favour of counting each swirl in the ceiling.

There were 104, to be exact.  
(He counted three times more just to be sure.)

As time went on, Alex's eyes grew sadder, his hands growing heavier with each drink that he downed. Miles tried not to notice. It was hard not to.

_Lazy summer goddess_  
_You can tell our whole empire_  
_I don't have to see you right now_  
_I don't have to see you right now_

Late one Monday night, both men sat in front of the hearth in Miles's living room, choosing to gather closely together on the afghan rug as opposed to the more comfortable leather couch. Either way, it made no real difference. Neither of them cared much for comfort anymore anyways.

"Mi," Alex whispered at last. "Mi, do you ever feel like you made a mistake and.. you can't take it back? You're in too deep to reverse the effects?"

"Yeah," Miles shrugged. "Yeah, Al, I think everyone feels that way at some point."

"But... but how does it change? When does the feeling go away?"

Miles simply shook his head and stared into the fire. He raised his hand and neared it closer and closer to the redorangeyellowwhite, hairs on his hand singeing, but he didn't stop until Alex grabbed his wrist and pulled it back wordlessly.

"Answer me," Alex pleaded. "Please, Miles."

"It doesn't," Miles answered at last, a bitter taste accompanying the words. "The feeling never fucking goes away. Some people are just better at hiding it than others."

"You're angry at me."

"Yeah."

"I'm angry at me too."

"I don't see any other reason somebody would choose to drown their liver with every drink in sight."

"I don't want either of us to be angry."

"It's a little too late for that, isn't it?"

It was Alex's turn now to stare into the fire, his eyes burning almost more than his throat was at that second. He needed to _scream._

"I love you," Miles finally said, his words bouncing off the flames and right back into Alex's ears.

"I know," Alex said, lips trembling. "I wish I could say the same."

"I think you should leave."

"I want to stay."

"It's my flat. Go home to _her."_

Alex quivered for a moment before crying, "I don't love her like I love you!"

In Miles's head, this scenario had played over a hundred thousand times before, all ending with Miles in tears and Alex's lips finding their way to his. In his head, they both declared their love with equal passion and ended the night in Miles's sheets, counting the 104 ceiling swirls together.

And yet, for some reason, Miles suddenly found himself hating this ending. Instead of bringing his dream to life, he pulled Alex to his feet by his arm and quietly escorted him to the front door.

"You should have thought of that before you broke my heart," he said through clenched teeth. "Goodnight, Alex. Give all my love to her."

The walk home was cold. Alex didn't even bother with mentioning that he forgot his jacket inside.

This time, he was the one laughing. And he laughed until long after all the fires in him blew out.

_I don't have to see you right now_  
_I don't have to see you right now_  
_I don't have to see you right now_  
_I don't have to see you right now_

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://spookymileskane.tumblr.com) / [instagram](http://instagr.am/and.a.smile)


End file.
